Sunday, May 11, 2008

The Path to Wellness, Part Three: Where's the Map?

Getting off the drugs wasn't hard. I just stopped taking them. Gave a bit of thought to the fact that since I'd been on them for nearly two years, I probably shouldn't stop them cold turkey, but I did stop them pretty damn fast. Within two weeks, I was done. The third week was pretty hellish in an emotions-all-over-the-map sort of way, but I was convinced that all the medications had done was make me sicker, and I was determined to get off them as quickly as possible.

I guess I was lucky.

I had no professional advice on stopping the meds, other than my psychiatrist telling I'd be stupid to stop taking them. I didn't have internet access at the time, so I wasn't aware of all the wonderful, supportive people who were out there trying to do the same thing I was. Of course, perhaps if I'd known then what I know now, I might have been too scared to try to stop the meds...who knows?

As my mind began to clear, I realized that I had a hell of a lot of work to do. My body was shot. My blood sugar was borderline high. I was overweight, in constant pain, and was completely out of touch with myself.

I started myself on a program of yoga, healthy eating, music, and writing. The yoga I started by default--it was the only sort of exercise I could do that was bearable for my sore feet--they hurt so much that even walking any distance was out of the question. The healthy eating was much easier to do once I didn't have Depakote giving me carb cravings. I picked up my guitar for the first time in about ten years and started playing again. I tried to write every day, just a little in the journal at first, and then more as my mind cleared. Slowly, things got better. I lost weight. My feet started to feel better. And I started to get a clearer picture of who I was through my writing.

I just wish there'd been a map of some sort. A book. Some information on how to reclaim my mind and my life...

Hmmm....maybe I should write one...

4 comments:

Gianna said...

Happy Mothers Day!!

Jazz said...

Thanks, Gianna!
I don't recall you ever writing about kids on your blog...but if you are a mom, happy Mothers Day to you, too! And if you're not, happy Sunday!

Gianna said...

no not a mom...it's a damn good thing since the kid/kids would have a wreck of a mom but I really do wish I was healthy enough to have kids...

I couldn't pull it off and I know it...

I still have a vague hope that I'll be well in the next couple of years and maybe be able to have a kid...most likely would have to adopt ---getting pregnant at this point would be verging on miraculous...

I guess I'm the happy mother of a dog and two cats, though...

hope you have a good day...

Jazz said...

The Chief has taken the kids out to one of our local parks that has waterfalls and stuff, to give me a quiet morning...and he's making dinner tonight, which is always nice.

I think taking care of animals counts! I think of the dogs as my two "fur-children."