I wasn't actually planning to cut my trazodone again this past weekend. And I definitely wasn't planning to cut by a whole 25 mg, but there I was on Saturday night, already in bed, tired out due to the Benadryl I've been taking for my allergies, when I realized that all I had on the bedside table were 100 mg tablets. I didn't have any of the 50's I'd cut in half, and I hadn't yet cut any of them into quarters. And even if I had, they were downstairs, and I was just too damn tired to drag my butt out of bed, slither downstairs and muck about cutting pills into tiny bits.
So I just took 100, and told myself that if I felt lousy on Sunday, I'd take 125 again, and not try to taper until next weekend.
But I felt fine on Sunday. No headaches, no depression. And I felt good on Monday, too. And so far (except for the allergies), I'm feeling good today, as well. So we'll see. As I keep reminding myself, I always have the option to go back to 125 mg for a while if I need to.
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Dear Jazz,
I don't know what Trazodone does, but I believe Benadryl has some qualities of a stimulant. So, maybe it's offsetting the other medication. Or maybe, you're just getting to the point where you can titrate off this drug because you don't need it in your system.
If you've been well for three years, it sounds like you're in a great place in your life!
What's interesting to me is when friends with cancer are symptom-free for five years, they're "cured." Yet, Bipolar folks are never considered "cured" even when they show no symptoms for the longest time!
And yet, so many of are so concerned that one bad day may be the sign of a depression that we undoubtedly stress ourselves out with worry!
Anyway, that's great news about the writing. Diane Morrow is a really thoughtful doctor and her recommended reading is a terrific list!
Susan
...bipolar folks are never considered "cured"...
Yes, we don't get, "Oh, good, you're cured," we get, "Oh, well, you're just having a long period of stability in between episodes. Bipolar disorder doesn't just go away, you know."
I find it interesting that psychiatry doesn't have enough faith in itself to admit that a diagnosis may have been wrong in the first place, or may no longer fit.
...so many of us are concerned that one bad day may be the sign of a depression...
This pathologizing of authentic, human, emotional experiences really bothers me. My doctors have asked me to keep mood charts. I have tried, but I find that I end up agonizing over the slightest deviation from ho-hum- it's-just-a-day-like-any-other. And, unfortunately, my first doctor used those deviations as reasons to continue to increase my medications.
I wonder how much of their reluctance to undiagnose us comes from their fear of liability should something go Horribly Wrong.
All points well taken!
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