Remember when they first introduced aspartame (Nutrasweet), and they told us it was perfectly safe? Made from two amino acids found in milk and bananas.
Like eating milk and bananas, they said.
Yeah. Right.
Showing posts with label General Snarkiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label General Snarkiness. Show all posts
Friday, June 19, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Big Silence
Sorry for the Big Silence, folks...
Computer issues top the list of reasons for not being here much...my hard drive blew up...well, not literally, although it might as well have. Apparently there was a Bad Sector, which happened to be in the Dangerous, Mystery-Shrouded Location That is Called the Registry. Fortunately, The Chief is an Absolute Friggin' Genius when it comes to those mysterious boxes of silicon we call computers, and he bought me a new hard drive (a terabyte, dudes, I've got a freakin' terabyte...whatever the hell that is...it's good, though, cuz The Chief handled the thing extremely reverently, and there was hushed silence and herald trumpets going on as he installed it), and somehow managed to retrieve all my data from the Bad Sector Demons.
I worship the ground upon which he walks...and in return, I am endeavouring to keep him well supplied with clean socks (it's not going well, though).
Well then. Replacing the hard drive means reinstalling all the software. Because, you know, even if the thing does have a Freakin' Terabyte, apparently it's not all that Advanced and Clever, because you still have to put all the disks into the computer and click the Next Button forty million times...and after that you have to spend an entire afternoon telling Microsoft Word about how you hate Smart Quotes and how "colour" is too the way you spell it, and complaining bitterly to anyone who will listen about how Microsoft Word likes to correct one's spelling and grammar as one types, which is extremely detrimental to the creative process...And then, as if that's not bad enough, Internet Explorer keeps locking up, because, you know, even if the hard drive is this Cutting Edge Piece of Wonderousness, even it can't stop Internet Explorer from having a meltdown every five minutes. And apparently it can't do much about my internet service provider, which has been providing rather spotty service lately.
Anyway. I'm here. Today. We'll see how long the Technology cooperates.
Computer issues top the list of reasons for not being here much...my hard drive blew up...well, not literally, although it might as well have. Apparently there was a Bad Sector, which happened to be in the Dangerous, Mystery-Shrouded Location That is Called the Registry. Fortunately, The Chief is an Absolute Friggin' Genius when it comes to those mysterious boxes of silicon we call computers, and he bought me a new hard drive (a terabyte, dudes, I've got a freakin' terabyte...whatever the hell that is...it's good, though, cuz The Chief handled the thing extremely reverently, and there was hushed silence and herald trumpets going on as he installed it), and somehow managed to retrieve all my data from the Bad Sector Demons.
I worship the ground upon which he walks...and in return, I am endeavouring to keep him well supplied with clean socks (it's not going well, though).
Well then. Replacing the hard drive means reinstalling all the software. Because, you know, even if the thing does have a Freakin' Terabyte, apparently it's not all that Advanced and Clever, because you still have to put all the disks into the computer and click the Next Button forty million times...and after that you have to spend an entire afternoon telling Microsoft Word about how you hate Smart Quotes and how "colour" is too the way you spell it, and complaining bitterly to anyone who will listen about how Microsoft Word likes to correct one's spelling and grammar as one types, which is extremely detrimental to the creative process...And then, as if that's not bad enough, Internet Explorer keeps locking up, because, you know, even if the hard drive is this Cutting Edge Piece of Wonderousness, even it can't stop Internet Explorer from having a meltdown every five minutes. And apparently it can't do much about my internet service provider, which has been providing rather spotty service lately.
Anyway. I'm here. Today. We'll see how long the Technology cooperates.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Family Emergencies
My mother-in-law is back home now, crisis averted for the moment, and we all breathe a huge sigh of relief...until the next time. Thank-you, all, for your supportive comments and emails.
Warning: extreme snarkiness ahead....read at your own risk...and if you'd like to preserve your image of me as a sweet, gentle, understanding soul, well, perhaps you'd better not read at all...
Over the last five years or so, we've had quite a few family emergencies involving my mother-in-law and her myriad medical conditions. Family emergencies often bring out the best in people. Unfortunately, the women in my extended family do not exemplify this. Quite the opposite. I've learned a lot about human behavior just by watching them, though...when crisis rears its ugly head--which it does with alarming frequency in this family--one can count on the following:
Sister-in-Law #1: (The Chief's sister) will be furious. This is the last thing she needs, and it's so damn inconvenient on top of everything else. The fact that her constant harping and complaining about how this is all she needs puts Mother under a tremendous amount of stress which probably isn't doing a whole lot to help her recovery will not occur to her. Although she will spend more time at the hospital than most of us (with the possible exception of Sister-in-Law-Wannabe, see below), she will refuse to speak with the doctors or be any sort of advocate for Mother because "I don't understand all that medical crap."
Sister-in-Law #2: (The Chief's brother's wife) will visit once, for the sake of appearance, and when she does, she will be dressed like a runway model, wearing a plethora of expensive jewelry she cannot afford. She will sweep into the room with an air of self-importance, being sure to wave her rings and bangles in everyone's face so they get a good look at what her massive credit card debt has bought her. The fact that she will be required to don gloves, mask, and gown before entering the room will probably cause her to rethink her visit--what's the point in showing up if no one can see how much money she's got?--so if MRSA protocols are being observed, perhaps she won't be showing up at all.
Sister-in-Law-Wannabe: (The Chief's other brother's girlfriend) will spend almost as much time at the hospital as sister-in-law #1, but she will wander vaguely about the room with a shell-shocked look on her face, wringing her hands and making whispered comments about How Awful It All Is. She will let everyone know that she's been so worried that she hasn't eaten or slept in spite of the fact that she has taken large doses of narcotic medication and sleeping pills. She will make sure that she is seen hovering solicitously over Mother in the hopes that we will all forget that she was an instrumental factor in other brother's divorce. If this does not garner her the appropriate amount of attention, she may pass out dramatically across Mother's bed.
Family emergencies often bring families together...but this family is enough to make me want to run for the hills...
/snark
Warning: extreme snarkiness ahead....read at your own risk...and if you'd like to preserve your image of me as a sweet, gentle, understanding soul, well, perhaps you'd better not read at all...
Over the last five years or so, we've had quite a few family emergencies involving my mother-in-law and her myriad medical conditions. Family emergencies often bring out the best in people. Unfortunately, the women in my extended family do not exemplify this. Quite the opposite. I've learned a lot about human behavior just by watching them, though...when crisis rears its ugly head--which it does with alarming frequency in this family--one can count on the following:
Sister-in-Law #1: (The Chief's sister) will be furious. This is the last thing she needs, and it's so damn inconvenient on top of everything else. The fact that her constant harping and complaining about how this is all she needs puts Mother under a tremendous amount of stress which probably isn't doing a whole lot to help her recovery will not occur to her. Although she will spend more time at the hospital than most of us (with the possible exception of Sister-in-Law-Wannabe, see below), she will refuse to speak with the doctors or be any sort of advocate for Mother because "I don't understand all that medical crap."
Sister-in-Law #2: (The Chief's brother's wife) will visit once, for the sake of appearance, and when she does, she will be dressed like a runway model, wearing a plethora of expensive jewelry she cannot afford. She will sweep into the room with an air of self-importance, being sure to wave her rings and bangles in everyone's face so they get a good look at what her massive credit card debt has bought her. The fact that she will be required to don gloves, mask, and gown before entering the room will probably cause her to rethink her visit--what's the point in showing up if no one can see how much money she's got?--so if MRSA protocols are being observed, perhaps she won't be showing up at all.
Sister-in-Law-Wannabe: (The Chief's other brother's girlfriend) will spend almost as much time at the hospital as sister-in-law #1, but she will wander vaguely about the room with a shell-shocked look on her face, wringing her hands and making whispered comments about How Awful It All Is. She will let everyone know that she's been so worried that she hasn't eaten or slept in spite of the fact that she has taken large doses of narcotic medication and sleeping pills. She will make sure that she is seen hovering solicitously over Mother in the hopes that we will all forget that she was an instrumental factor in other brother's divorce. If this does not garner her the appropriate amount of attention, she may pass out dramatically across Mother's bed.
Family emergencies often bring families together...but this family is enough to make me want to run for the hills...
/snark
Sunday, July 6, 2008
If it Ain't Normal, Drug It!
The range of behaviors society is willing to call "normal" seems to be narrowing at a rather alarming rate. Behaviors that only twenty years ago were considered part of the incredible diversity of human expression are now considered pathological, and we are encouraged (every night during numerous television commercials sponsored by Big Pharma) to seek help and take powerful medications (whose actions on the brain and long-term effects are only vaguely understood) to control our symptoms.
When I look at the sweeping changes the Age of Technology has wrought in our society just in the past twenty years or so, I have to ask myself, is it any wonder that some of us just can't deal with our environment? Our genetic heritage has us hard-wired to be running around outside in the sunlight, foraging and hunting in order to feed ourselves, not slumped in front of a computer or a television screen under artificial lights eating processed chemical cocktails marketed as food day after day. But instead of asking what we can do to make the environment more healthy?, we ask what is wrong with these people? and medicate them so that they might better fit society's ever-tightening definition of "normal".
I'm thinking about something Furious Seasons reported on a while back about workplaces offering ADHD screening for their employees. And I'm thinking about antipsychotics being used for "social phobias" including fear of public speaking. And I'm thinking about the questionnaire I got on depression the last time I went to my GP's office for a thyroid check.
This trend to medicalize and pathologize every emotional condition that deviates even slightly from the norm worries me. I foresee a grim future in which all that is unique and brilliant and different in a person, all that sets us apart from each other, will be drugged out of us so that we better fit in the nice little boxes society uses to classify and control us.
Brave New World, anyone?
Writing Prompt: When I was about fourteen, I refused to grow up to be anything like my parents. I thought they were dull and boring, and I told them so (my mother has never let me forget this!). I wanted lights and music and excitement, and I couldn't figure out what was so great about a weekend spent sewing and reading and gardening. The Box People, I called them, all fitting so nicely into their middle-class suburban boxes. It's easy to label people when you're looking at them from the outside in. What labels have you carried? Do they tell the whole story? Why or why not? What labels would you give yourself?
When I look at the sweeping changes the Age of Technology has wrought in our society just in the past twenty years or so, I have to ask myself, is it any wonder that some of us just can't deal with our environment? Our genetic heritage has us hard-wired to be running around outside in the sunlight, foraging and hunting in order to feed ourselves, not slumped in front of a computer or a television screen under artificial lights eating processed chemical cocktails marketed as food day after day. But instead of asking what we can do to make the environment more healthy?, we ask what is wrong with these people? and medicate them so that they might better fit society's ever-tightening definition of "normal".
I'm thinking about something Furious Seasons reported on a while back about workplaces offering ADHD screening for their employees. And I'm thinking about antipsychotics being used for "social phobias" including fear of public speaking. And I'm thinking about the questionnaire I got on depression the last time I went to my GP's office for a thyroid check.
This trend to medicalize and pathologize every emotional condition that deviates even slightly from the norm worries me. I foresee a grim future in which all that is unique and brilliant and different in a person, all that sets us apart from each other, will be drugged out of us so that we better fit in the nice little boxes society uses to classify and control us.
Brave New World, anyone?
Writing Prompt: When I was about fourteen, I refused to grow up to be anything like my parents. I thought they were dull and boring, and I told them so (my mother has never let me forget this!). I wanted lights and music and excitement, and I couldn't figure out what was so great about a weekend spent sewing and reading and gardening. The Box People, I called them, all fitting so nicely into their middle-class suburban boxes. It's easy to label people when you're looking at them from the outside in. What labels have you carried? Do they tell the whole story? Why or why not? What labels would you give yourself?
Friday, April 25, 2008
New Disorder is "Most Under-Diagnosed"
A new disorder is being considered for inclusion in the DSM-V. The DSM-V, due out in 2011, is the latest revision of the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, the checklist-style compendium of all of the mental illnesses that currently plague our culture.
In order to be diagnosed with this new disorder, patients must exhibit at least one of the following criteria:
Being Alive.
"It's important for people to understand that there is no shame in being alive," said Dr. Phill Pusher of the Itasca University Medical School in an interview yesterday. "Managing the condition is a lifelong challenge, but there are many medications that can help smooth the way." Doctor Pusher urges anyone showing signs of being alive to make an appointment with a mental health professional. "Being alive is one the most under-diagnosed, under-medicated conditions we have yet encountered."
But there is hope. The condition of being alive, although serious, can be treated with medications. Antidepressants are recommended to battle sadness and other annoying emotions connected with the condition, antipsychotics remove one's ability to ruminate or think, and tranquilizers can help sedate patients for long periods of time, making it possible for a patient to sleep through a lot of the more unpleasant aspects of the condition. Mood stabilizers can also be considered if a patient who is alive exhibits both joy and sadness or anger in the same 24-hour period.
Are you alive?
Visit your mental health professional today to find out what medications maybe right for you.
In order to be diagnosed with this new disorder, patients must exhibit at least one of the following criteria:
- occasional inability to sleep
- exhaustion caused by fourteen-hour days with no breaks
- profound sadness in reaction to a stressful life event
- profound joy in reaction to any life event
- feelings of anxiety and/or frustration at one's financial status or future
- feelings of inadequacy due to being the only one in the neighborhood who doesn't drive an SUV
- anxiety over world events over which one has no control
- feelings of helplessness when one watches the evening news
- feelings of anger at the injustice of it all
- urges to cheer oneself up with food, chocolate, or a day at the zoo
Being Alive.
"It's important for people to understand that there is no shame in being alive," said Dr. Phill Pusher of the Itasca University Medical School in an interview yesterday. "Managing the condition is a lifelong challenge, but there are many medications that can help smooth the way." Doctor Pusher urges anyone showing signs of being alive to make an appointment with a mental health professional. "Being alive is one the most under-diagnosed, under-medicated conditions we have yet encountered."
But there is hope. The condition of being alive, although serious, can be treated with medications. Antidepressants are recommended to battle sadness and other annoying emotions connected with the condition, antipsychotics remove one's ability to ruminate or think, and tranquilizers can help sedate patients for long periods of time, making it possible for a patient to sleep through a lot of the more unpleasant aspects of the condition. Mood stabilizers can also be considered if a patient who is alive exhibits both joy and sadness or anger in the same 24-hour period.
Are you alive?
Visit your mental health professional today to find out what medications maybe right for you.
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