If it hasn't become apparent by now, I'm pretty much done with this blog. It served it's purpose, which was to get me writing again and to help me figure out just what it was I needed to do with that whole "bipolar incident".
I wanted to finish off on a positive note, though, and here it is:
A couple of weeks ago I went to my regular doctor for a "med-check", and as he was going through my records, the conversation went like this:
Dr. R: So are you still seeing the psychiatrist?
Me: No, I haven't seen him in three years.
Dr. R: And you're not taking any of the psych meds any longer.
Me: No, I went off the mood stabilizers and antidepressants five years ago…and I haven't taken trazodone in over two years.
Dr. R: And it doesn't look like you've had any mood issues in that time.
Me: No, I haven't. I've had fewer mood swings in the last three years than ever. I'm pretty sure they were caused by the aspartame in the diet soda I was drinking.
Dr. R: Really? Not the caffeine?
Me: I don't think so. I still drink tea, and it doesn't cause me any trouble. But the mood swings started when I was nineteen and started drinking gallons of diet soda a day to stay awake to study. When I stopped the diet soda, the mood swings stopped.
Dr. R: Wow. That's really interesting. So this bipolar diagnosis we have on here really isn't relevant any more. I'm going to take it off your records.
So that, my friends, is that. I am officially undiagnosed.
No prizes for guessing whether or not the psychiatrist would agree with that assessment…
I'm going to leave the blog up in the hope that it might help someone else in a situation similar to mine begin to ask questions and seek answers. While we all have to find our own answers, we don't do it in a vacuum. The people who helped me come to terms with what happened to me and helped me during the journey of figuring out just what that was all about are the authors of the blogs listed on the sidebar. Thanks to all of them, and thanks to the people out there who read my entries and asked insightful questions, provided comfort and support, and were just good blog friends in general.
Adios, dudes!
16 comments:
yay!
love you.
though I'm not updating blog anymore I did add a link to this in my recovery stories section where I have a link to your story in general...
this is great.
Congratulations! What an amazing journey and story you've been on!
Gianna tipped me off on this post. That conversation brought me chills. I'm still craving an official un-diagnosis. Congratulations.
Bipolarblast: great to see you're still hangin' around! Hope all is well with you.
I wasn't looking for him to remove the diagnosis...I was just there because I needed my allergy meds and they wouldn't renew my prescription because I hadn't seen the doc in over a year! I figured the dx would follow me forever.
It does give me a very satisfying sense of closure to the whole ordeal, though.
Love,
Jazz
Hey, tiltatwindmills, glad to see you're still around, too! I hope you don't mind that I snagged the title of one of your last posts. I used it for the same reason you did--so people doing a search might find it more easily.
I read your latest post...glad to hear everything went well in spite of complications. Sounds like you handled things all right!
Love,
Jazz
you are actually one of the only blogs still in my reader...I"m really not around much at all anymore...
really need a break...and I'm taking a long one...
I feel honoured that you are still checking up on me!
I'm glad you're taking a break, though--it sounded, from your last few posts, that you really needed it.
You know, you were one of my inspirations right from the beginning, you and Stephany, over at Soulful Sepulcher, and you and she were my first blog friends.
Psychs can change a dx anytime they want. The dx is an after-the-fact justification for treatment. When my clients refuse meds and their treatment teams know it's expensive and impractical to get a court order for forced psychotropics so long as I'm the defense lawyer, they simply change the dx to something which justifies a therapy groups-only plan.
The trick is in getting them to want to...
I have been diagnosed with numerous ailments through the years, Post Partum Depression, Manic Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Adult Attention Deficit Disorder,Seasonal Affective Disorder, Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Bipolar Disorder (diagnose removed and records changed to reflect correct diagnosis)and other physical illnesses that most likely are secondary causes to primary underlying causes yet to be identified. The medical maze revolving around mental and physical health has been arduous. I have been off of all medications for over a year now and have no intentions of ever needing to go back on any of them. over a 2o year time frame medicine treatments have included haldol, cogentin, wellbutrin,prozac, zoloft, klonopin, lexapro, and lithium where I suffered a toxic reaction. The list of medications goes on for physical ailments as well. While I agree that psycotropic drugs help people who are otherwise unable to harness or achieve self recovery/wellness I do not totally agree that all people need to take "pills". As our society has dictated that medications are the here all, answer to all, immediate relief otherwise known to me as a temporary band-aid for other causes that are not delved into...as I see it, the medicines that have been coursing through my body over a long time period have directily interferred with my biological chemistry in the brain, blood, and physiological functioning of neurotransmitters and what not. I feel bad for people who suffer from mental illness and who do not have advocates to help them navigate through the medical journey's that include medications that may or may not be helpful in every case. Either way, for myself personally and through experience of what medications have done to my physical being...I choose alternative therapies, meditations, and support systems to enpower me as I get healthy in the mind, body & spirit. Our brains and mind body functions can become healthy, some of us need medication to function, and some don't. The power of the mind is more powerful than any synthetic form of chemical derivitive of which we put into our mouth to effect our reactions. Swallowing pills for me has caused more damage then not.
I think that many people turn to the pills because 1) they are easy and require no effort, and 2) there is a real lack of easily available information on how to tackle these issues without the aid of medication.
I was on medication for about a year and a half before I started to understand that it was doing me more harm than good, and that I was not willing to spend the rest of my life ingesting chemicals that shut down my brain and turned me into a shadow. But I had NO support from my doctors in doing this. I was told that if I went off medication, I would ruin my life. Scare tactics, anyone?
Wow Jazz,
Good for you.
I always thought once it was on your records, it was on there for good.
I am totally of psych meds too.
Hi Jazz,
Brilliant post, I hope you are doing all the things you want to do.
Thanks for sharing.
Love,
Herrad
Congrats!
This is indeed a milestone; a wonderful turn-out in your life. It's amazing to read about stories of people finding this success.
I wonder if you can rate this counseling site. I have looked it up in the internet and found that they offer great help in terms of my mental need and if it's okay with you; I would want to hear about your opinion on this matter. Thanks :)
Happy Merry Christmas to all visitor of the site. Your post is Extraordinary really.
Greeting of Happy New Year also to all.
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