Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Maybe I'll Catch Fire...

Every year about this time I get Anxious and Worried about some Terrible Event occurring just before Christmas. Like someone ending up in the hospital or worse. So every time I have to go out, I'm imagining ending up dead in a car wreck. And every time The Chief goes out, I'm imagining him ending up dead in a car wreck. And if it's not that, it's some other unlikely, convoluted event that only my dark imagination could come up with.

Can't help these thoughts...

Whenever something good or fun is coming up--like Christmas or a vacation or something--my mind has to conjure up all the ways that something horrible could come along and twist it all up.

When I was on antidepressants, I did not feel this way. Of course, when I was on antidepressants, I didn't feel much of anything, so I suppose that's not really a fair comparison.

Writing Prompt: What kinds of things make you Worried and Anxious? What do you do to help yourself when you feel that way?

4 comments:

Marissa Miller said...

After my husband's grandfather killed himself, the thought of my husband dying in his sleep became all-too-real. So every night, I would hug him and give him long kisses in the event that he never woke up again. There's nothing wrong with that but the fact that I thought he could die any minute haunted me constantly. It still does to a lesser extent now. I'm not sure how I deal with it. I suppose I can only give it time. Therapy has helped me quite a bit, though.

Jazz said...

Marissa,
I guess I deal with it by trying to think about it logically, you know, looking at the odds. And it's not like, you know, crippling anxiety...it's just kind of there in the background, and every so often it pops up when I'm just minding my own business.

Not sure therapy would help me...I've got a pretty good idea that you have to be completely honest with the therapist, and I'd have a really hard time with that.

RamblingMad said...

Ooh! (waves arms frantically in the air) Me too! Experience has taught me to look on the dark side of things, though, rather than some neurosis, real or imagined. For instance, I have found over the years that my birthday is bad luck (too many examples of bad things that have happened on my birthday to list here), so I try not to draw attention to it.

I find being more of a pessimist can actually be beneficial. If you're always expecting the worst, then if or when it happens it isn't (quite) so devastating because you expected it. On the other hand, if something good happens, it's that much sweeter because you were expecting the worst.

My biggest fear is fire, too. That, and a fatal car accident. Seems we're on the same wavelength.

Jazz said...

RamblingMad,
Yeah, there's something in that. It's like paranoia...it isn't paranoia if they really are out to get you!