Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Industrial Accident

Some of you...well, okay, one of you (Tamara, you know who you are!) has asked about the Industrial Accident I mentioned in my last post. I am not sure if I am ready to speak of it, but in the interest of healing and "letting it go" I shall try.

Let me begin by saying that if Draino weren't so darned caustic, it would make an excellent floor cleaner. The fact that it removes the finish on the floor along with any dirt is a bonus...I didn't really need that finish on the kitchen floor, did I?

This particular Industrial Accident involved a (full) bottle of Draino, my living room carpet, and me being royally pissed off at a certain Manipulative Relative (who was not even present). No names, I will say only that it wasn't one of my family, it was one of the out-laws.

After being informed of said relative's latest manipulative antics, I was so mad I thought I should just do some housework to let out all that energy. In a tempestuous display of fury and barely controlled anger, I swiped the bottle of Draino off the counter where it had been sitting for the past couple of days to remind me that I had a tub drain full of dog hair (Canis Feisticus and Canis Dafticus had their Semi-Annual Bath only days before, which is a whole other adventure). The bottle of Draino slipped from my fingers, hit the floor, and the UNOPENED CHILDPROOF CAP came flying off and Draino spattered all over the kitchen floor and then schlorped over onto the living room carpet.

I stood there staring at it for a moment and thinking, How the f*** do I clean this up? I can't even touch the stuff... Fortunately, The Chief had some rubber gloves in his workshop (let's just gloss over the fact that he had rubber gloves in the first place, and that they were in his workshop in the second. I don't want to know) which he promptly found, and we began the arduous process of cleaning up.

Which was a great moment for a chemistry lesson:
Barrister: Mom, that stuff's going to burn a hole right through to the basement!
Me: (from between clenched teeth) No, dear, that would be an acid. This is a base. It will just turn your skin into soap and burn like hell while doing so...

The kitchen floor now has one very, very clean area. And the living room carpet has a large spot that is quite fashionably marbled in appearance.

I'm thinking about doing the entire living room so it will match.


Anonymous said...

Oh, God. I couldn't help but laugh because I've been there. I'm sorry. I know how frustrating that must have been for you at the time, and the fact that it's left a lasting reminder can't help, either.

I'm busy this week, but if you want to get together next week, we can make a trip to Caribou and I'll buy you a chai.

Jazz said...

I shall take you up on that! Mr. Washing Machine is dead on his back with his feet in the air, so I am at a loss for things to occupy my time. Give me a call when you have time!

susan said...


I was laughing and crying at the same time. I could just see this happening in a family sit com.

I am glad everyone is OK, and maybe Santa can bring you a new carpet.

You are a brave woman to wash the dogs. I could never try to give the cat a bath.

Jazz said...

I will have to blog about the Semi-Annual Bath...The Chief does the dog-bathing, and he basically strips down to his skivvies and hops in the shower with them, one at a time. The fact that the big, scary, fierce-looking male has to be carried up the stairs (all 65 pounds of him) because he's terrified of baths just makes it even more of a production!

susan said...


It sounds like it would be funny even on You Tube!

Anonymous said...

Oh sh!t! I would have been running around in circles yelling, "Caustic agent! OMG! Caustic agent!"

Sorry about the floor. That really sucks.

Jazz said...

Yeah, I was torn between running for my haz-mat gear and collapsing in a hysterical heap. The haz-mat gear won out, but only by a whisker...

Wellness Writer said...

Dear Jazz,
While everyone else is laughing at the Draino (myself included), and perhaps saying, "Thank God it wasn't me!" I'm fixated on the causal factor! But, then you know I have an outlaw who causes me to feel the same way.

On my recent vacation, I climbed up a mountain to relieve my anger at her recent behavior, and finally felt it was spent. But, if my only solution is to climb mountains when she infuriates me, I guess we'll have to move to the Alps!


Tamara said...


Laughing, crying and thanking God on my knees that it wasn't me! Very sorry about your floor and carpet. I would have been a bawling mess and not had a clue how to clean it up.

The dog bathing scene sounds familiar. My husband bathes ours the same way but they are 4 and 8 lbs. so not quite the same level of work goes into it.

Thank goodness I don't have any outlaws to worry about because my own family keeps me upset enough. Of course, that means my poor hubby has outlaws that piss him off to no end.

Thanks for sharing the industrial accident story. Glad all is cleaned up. I say just focus on how wonderfully clean the floor is.


Jazz said...

I shall have to regale you with the details...let's just say I'm sure you can imagine which outlaw it was...

Jazz said...

The worst part about the whole thing is that hubby just got a bonus at work, and it would be enough to redo the floors...but in this economy, I don't dare commit to something so...unnecessary for day-to-day survival...sigh...the floors will have to wait until we are rich and famous...

Immi said...

Ack! I've got to laugh, though. I can just see it happening to me. I always seem to have trouble with those darned adult-proof caps on things. I'm glad you all are all ok, even if you're currently stuck with fashionably marbled carpet.

Jazz said...

Yeah, those "childproof" caps are really something, aren't they? My son could get them open faster than I could when he was three.